"I believed in Jesus when I was 20 years old. At that time, I heard that Jesus died on the Cross for sinners like me. I didn`t know how many sins I had committed, and I didn`t know God or the Law, but I had been living while developing my innate talents since childhood. At that time, I fell ill. When my body became sick, I felt like I was going to die. Then, I remembered hearing that Jesus had died in place of all evil people, and so I decided that I should receive the remission of sins before dying. That is why I came to believe in Jesus. When I first believed in Jesus, I was very grateful, but after one year, then five years had passed, whenever I did something wrong, I was a sinner, and if I did wrong again, I was a sinner again. I believed for ten years, but throughout those ten years, I was always a sinner. Even though I believed, I was still a sinner. I always cried whenever I sinned, "God, please forgive me. Please forgive this sin. God, if You forgive me this time, I will do better next time." After sinning, I would pray in repentance for 3 days, usually praying for 3 days. With a guilty conscience, I wouldn`t eat and would lock myself in my room, crying out, "Lord, please forgive me." After crying my heart out, I would feel a bit better and thought I could hear God’s voice. "The Lord has washed away my sins, hallelujah!" I would come out of the room and diligently live my life and serve. But before I knew it, I would unknowingly sin again. At first, believing in Jesus was good, but as I believed in Jesus for a long time, sins began to accumulate. They started piling up like a heap of manure or dust. After believing in Jesus for 10 years, I had much more sin accumulated in my heart than before believing in Jesus, and I became a tremendous sinner. "Why did I believe in Jesus so early? It would have been better if I had believed in Jesus at 80, or just before dying. Because I believed too early, I can`t help but sin, and each time I have to pray in repentance. Oh, it`s so tiresome. I should live according to God’s will, but I can’t, oh it`s so difficult." I searched and searched and searched for God. So I studied theology. When I studied theology, my faith became even more impoverished. Before studying theology, I thought I would not sleep in a warm place like Saint Damien. Why? "To help these struggling people. I will absolutely not dwell in comfort but help these struggling people." I had such thoughts and tried to live like that while reading the biographies of saints. I practiced asceticism and when praying, I would kneel on the cement floor for three hours or four hours, which made me feel like my prayers were more effective and I felt more relieved. But after believing in Jesus for 10 years like this, I really felt like I was dying. So I prayed, "God, God, please save me. It`s not that I don`t truly believe in You, I would believe in You even with a knife to my throat, but why is my heart so empty and frustrated? Why do I have even more sins? Before believing in Jesus, I lived without much sin, but after believing in Jesus, how have I become an even worse sinner?" Looking back now, I could say it was because I believed in Jesus without knowing the truth and without receiving the remission of sins. When I was living as a sinner, my heart was truly heavy. How can I tell others to believe in Jesus and receive the remission of sins when I have sins myself? "God, I`m about to graduate from school soon. I`m about to be ordained as a pastor, but how can I, as a sinful pastor, tell sinners who come to me to receive the remission of sins? I`m a sinner too." In the Bible, I read in the letters of the Apostle Paul that "If anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His." But no matter how much I looked within myself, I could not find the Holy Spirit in my heart. It seemed to be there at first, but why was it gone now? Did He step out for a moment? God, what`s going on? In fact, this was because I had been living under the misconception that I had been saved after believing in Jesus. At that time, I had really struggled a lot. I cried a lot. It was such a difficult time that words cannot fully express it. But God promised to meet those who seek Him. God met me. Even though I had sins after believing in Jesus for 10 years, by knowing the baptism of Jesus Christ, knowing the blood of the Cross, and knowing the secret of spiritual circumcision in the Old and New Testaments and Jesus` salvation through baptism, my struggles came to an end through faith. All my sins were washed away, becoming as white as snow. If you all clearly believe in the primitive gospel of Jesus` baptism and blood, your sins will disappear. Even if you`re lacking, you have no sin. Now I gladly preach this Truth to people, and those who receive it receive the remission of sins. Hallelujah! Everyone, receiving the remission of sins is a joy that cannot be fully expressed in words. "The secret in that name couldn’t be fully proclaimed, so it became a secret. People rejected that name like the stone the builders rejected, but that name engraved in my heart is a beautiful jewel." Paul C Jong To read more from Paul C Jong, you can read his Sermons and/or download any/all of his 68 Scripture-based books as ebooks and audiobooks for FREE, at www.bjnewlife.org